Love, Louisiana

You may be born and bred in Louisiana if:
You reinforce your attic to store Mardi Gras beads
Your sunglasses fog up when you step outside
You save newspapers, not for recycling but for tablecloths at crawfish boils
When you give directions you use "lakeside and riverside" not north & south
Your ancestors are buried above the ground.>
You get on a green trolley car to go to the park and a red one to the French Quarter
You take a bite of five-alarm chili and reach for the Tabasco
Every once in a while, you have waterfront property
You sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says, "Don't eat the dead ones," and you know what he means
You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday
You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads
Little old ladies push YOU out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads
You leave a parade with footprints on your hands
You believe that purple, green, and gold look good together
Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled
You know what a nutria is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team
No matter where else you go in the world, you are always disappointed in the food
Your town is low on the education chart, high on the obesity chart and you don't care because you're No. 1 on the party chart
Your house payment is less than your utility bill
You don't show your "pretties" during Mardi Gras
You know that Tchoupitoulas is a street and not a disease
Your grandparents are called "Maw-Maw" and "Paw-Paw."
Your Santa Claus rides an alligator and your favorite Saint is a football player
You cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or Cajun accent in a "New Orleans-based" movie or TV show
You have to reset your clocks after every thunderstorm
You're walking in the French Quarter with a plastic cup of beer
When it starts to rain, you cover your beer instead of your head
You eat dinner out and spend the entire meal talking about all the other good places you've eaten

Friends and Acadian ("Cajun") Friends

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.CAJUN FRIENDS: Always bring the food.FRIENDS: Will say "hello".CAJUN FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss. FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs. CAJUN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. CAJUN FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.CAJUN FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together.

FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. CAJUN FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.CAJUN FRIENDS: Will kick the crowds' ass that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your door. CAJUN FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "Hey where ya at!" and proceed to look for you in every room.
FRIENDS: Are for a while. CAJUN FRIENDS: Are for life.

The North has Bloomingdales, The South has Dollar General The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses. The North has dating services, The South has family reunions. The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails. The North has double last names, The South has double first names. The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races. North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits. The North has green salads, The South has collard greens. The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish. The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt. FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . . In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store. Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's is plural possessive. Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?" Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there. Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim. In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway. AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits. Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it. Your kin would get a kick out of it too!

The wonderful beautiful state of Louisiana has been neglected by me - but haven't Brad and Angelina and family done more than their share to make up for it?